Banana Pancake ~ Wicked Wednesday ~

It’s Wicked Wednesday again!

Banana Pancakes. They’re all fun and games until the rest of the ingredients forget to get involved.

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I was a kid when this happened, maybe 9, and at primary school. Mum had packed me a lunch, as usual, and when the lunch bell had gone, I’d opened it up to find whatever food was waiting for me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I like bananas a lot, but this one was a monstrosity. Sandwiched. Flattened. A mushy, soggy pancake made only by it’s squashed self, lonely without any flour, or milk, or egg to accompany it.

It had contaminated the rest of my meal, and burned its image into my brain. And sometimes, when I think of banana pancakes, I still think of it, instead of the wonder that is a banana pancake you have intended to make.

Keep Smiling!

~Shade x

Ultrasounds ~ Wicked Wednesday ~

Welcome to yet another Wicked Wednesday!

Ultrasounds. You’ve probably had one, and they’re not a big deal, but I’ve got something to say about the waiting rooms.

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I have had a lot of ultrasounds in my time, in fact, I had one just last week. I’ve had them on knees, and ankles, and shoulders, and even jaws. Joints are fine, no biggie. Ive had them on my liver, which is slightly less preferable than joints in that fact that fasting is involved, but still a relatively minor issue in my life.

Kidneys though. And bladders, and ovaries, and uteruses. Anything in that general area of urine, and waste removal. Nope. Not a fan. They make you do a horrible thing. They make you hold your bladder.

First, you have to drink at least two full bottles of water, which is more than I usually drink on any given day (oops, work on that!). Then, they make you hold it. I know we’ve pumped you full of more water than you though would fit into your tiny body, but now keep it. Hang on to it. Don’t ever let it go. Dream of bathrooms, but never visit one.

Usually I cry, just by way of expelling some of the fluid within me. I ask to please be allowed to go to the bathroom, and they tell me I can go a little, if I absolutely have to, as if I have any control over the situation.

Then, when you’re done, and they let you finally go, you come back and they ask you if you’re sure your bladder is empty, as if it’s a job that going to be complete after just one trip. Honestly.

And don’t even get me started on the decor. The sea, the ocean, lakes, and rivers, I even went to one clinic that had a very large and fully functioning fish tank with mermaid stickers on the walls. Water may be calming, but it is far less so when you have been told that a large amount must be within you, and is not allowed to escape.

Keep Smiling!

~Shade x

Baby gate Danger ~ Wicked Wednesday ~

Hi! It’s Wicked Wednesday again!

Baby gates. They’re a hazard.

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I know this, because about three weeks ago, one injured me. When I say it injured me, what I really mean is that I injured myself on it, and now refuse to take responsibility for that action, so I’m blaming it on the gate itself.

Either way, a hazard, I tell you!

I knew the gate was there. I had walked over it more than once. Yes, a few times I had come close to tripping, but then I’d remembered to watch my step, and all was fine.

I knew it was there this time too. I didn’t forget that it existed. I had every intention of stepping over it, missing it completely, a mission I was in the process of trying to complete.

I underestimated. I was distracted, by talking, as I so often find that I am. Slam. Straight into the baby gate, rather forcefully, I might add.

If you were wondering, the gate is fine, it survived the impact better than anyone could have hoped it would. No problems there. Me, on the other hand, not bad, but not in quite as pristine condition as the gate is either.

Tripping over baby gates is a cool story to tell people when they ask you broke your toe, right?

Keep Smiling!

~Shade x

Kitty Scream ~ Wicked Wednesday ~

Welcome to Wicked Wednesday!

I once had to save my cat from the neighbours house.

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He was only a kitten, and had recently learnt to jump the fence. Unfortunately, this newly acquired skill had not come with ability to jump back.

He went missing, I looked for him, and couldn’t find him. There was nothing I could do. I was by myself. I just had to wait until he turned back up.

The phone rang. It was my mum. She’d gotten a phone call from someone who had read her number on his very tiny collar. They had him, and it was my job to go pick him up.

He was in a yard two houses down. I had wondered. At this point, I should tell you that he was SCREAMING. I mean really screaming. Two houses away and I could hear the wailing, enough to let me know he must be nearby, just not enough to direct me to him.

I went and knocked on the door, and had to walk through the whole house to collect my kitten, who was still wailing out the back, and clung onto me when I picked him up. The man at the door thought it was hilarious. I suppose it would be, if it weren’t happening to you.

Dobby: I know you’re not reading this, largely because you can’t read,being a cat, and also because I don’t like to share my laptop, but if you were I’d tell you one thing. You’re hilarious, but also humiliating, please try to limit the ‘h’ words I can use to describe you.

Keep Smiling!

~Shade x

Talking to Strangers ~ Wicked Wednesday ~

It’s another Wicked Wednesday!

When was the last time you answered a question that was never directed at you? I have done it many times, but today, I’m going to tell you about one specific occasion upon which this nightmarish event occurred.

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I was in a store called Red Dot, which is a kind of two dollar store. I don’t know how old I was, I can’t have been too young, but not too old either, and I must have been doing Christmas shopping.

So there I was, quietly minding my own business, looking down aisles for gift inspiration, when a woman appears. She was probably in her 30’s, give or take. I’d have said nothing. I didn’t know the lady, I’d never seen her before in my life. I wouldn’t have assumed she was talking to me, of course I wouldn’t have, but she was looking right at me, expectantly, like she was waiting for an answer.

She asked something about plates, or something else along those lines. I waited, she waited, neither of us said anything, and then, as she seemed so much to be waiting for me to answer, I did. I sort of stuttered out an I don’t know, I think. She laughed, and told me that she’d been talking to her son in the next aisle.

What have I learnt from this? Don’t talk to strangers, even when thats what they seem to want you to do. Head down, and pretend you have no clue what they’ve said. Also, whenever I talk to someone in public, I will make sure that person is within view of those nearby, lest some other little girl think that I am asking her opinion of plates she will never eat off of, because I do not know her.

Keep Smiling!

~Shade x

Moon Phases ~ Wicked Wednesday ~

Hello! And Welcome to Wicked Wednesday!

As you may or may not know, as a result of illness I have missed a lot of schooling, and for what I have been able to attend, I have often been so drugged up on medication, that my memory is a little sketchy.

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This has led me to many an experience, including the one I’m about to tell you about.

The phases of the moon. A basic science lesson that we’ve all probably been taught, only I wasn’t taught it, because I wasn’t at school for that lesson. Instead, I was a school just in time for the test that asked me for an answer I had never been told.

I tried to be resourceful, and use what knowledge I did have. The phases of the moon? There was only one source I could even draw a guess from. Twilight.

What are the phases of the moon? I wrote my answer: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. Imagine my shock when that was not correct.

Yes, it did occur to me at some point around Breaking Dawn that these did not sound like moon phases, and that perhaps Stephanie Meyer was not who I should be looking to for my science answers, but what choice did I have?

So I have two things to tell you; the first thing is that no matter how badly you think you’ve done on a quiz, or how stupid something you say might be, you can rest assured in the knowledge that I have done worse, and you need not feel so embarrassed. The second thing is to educate you, and just quickly let you know that while I’m still not entirely sure what the moon’s phases actually are, I am certain that the titles of the books in the Twilight series are not the places to find such information.

Keep Smiling!

~Shade x

Trash TV ~ Wicked Wednesday ~

It’s another Wicked Wednesday!

Trash TV.

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We all watch it, however much we might try to deny that we do. We all have those guilty pleasure shows, that we should probably be ashamed of. Those shows we wouldn’t willingly admit that we’re fans of, but that we can hardly stop thinking about for long enough to keep our mouths shut.

I watch a lot of bad television, I’m not here to lie. I watch shows that are shameful, and that even I know are a train wreck, and I get overly invested in them, to the point where I close my eyes to go to sleep, and dream of the people on them.

Here are some of my guilty pleasure tv shows:
Dance Moms. It’s bad I know. Its embarrassing, but I am not ashamed. I still dream that one day I will become Maddie Ziegler, and I will dance my way into a nation’s hearts. By the way, I cannot dance.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. It’s awful. It’s a couple of hours of very rich women screaming at each other over ridiculous things, and finding outrageous things to do with their lives. It’s terrible, and I love it.

The Bold and The Beautiful. It’s confusing, and it makes no sense. It’s hard to keep up with. You miss 5 minutes on a Monday and by Tuesday there’s been three divorces, four new marriages, an affair, an addiction, and a scandal that will rock the company. That, or maybe a new adult Spencer child who no one knew existed before.

The Bachelor. It’s everything I’m against in the world. Its wrong, but oh so right. Its drama at its absolute finest, and I wish I could say it didn’t make me happy.

Let me know what your favourite trash tv shows are (because I’m sure you have some!)

Keep Smiling!

~Shade x

Active Wear ~ Wicked Wednesday ~

It’s Wicked Wednesday again!

Active Wear.

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Many of us wear it a lot, including myself. In fact, I wear it pretty much all of the time. It’s my only type of wear, active wear, and the occasional pair of pyjamas. But when we do wear it, more often than not we are planning to engage in absolutely no physical activity. We are wearing clothes to try and deceive ourselves, and make ourselves believe that we are doing something active.

In appreciation of active wear, and it’s non-active uses, I give you a list of lazy places in which I have worn active wear, with absolutely no logical reason to do so.

-Shopping
-Cafes
-Hospitals
-Optometrists
-Long Drives
-The Vet
-The Library
-School
-Extra Curricular classes

And many, many, many more. If I’m honest, I thought this list would be longer, but it turns out I’m not an overly thrilling person, and the things I do in a day seem to be a reputation of the same few things.

Let me know where you have worn your active wear, and whether or not you were active in it!

Keep Smiling!

~Shade x

Thrice ~ Wicked Wednesday ~

Welcome to another Wicked Wednesday!

Thrice. It’s a real word, but should we use it?

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I did. Foolishly, and to my own detriment. I was in fifth grade, so about ten years old. Old enough that I should have known better, that I should have predicted the teasing that the use of such a word would ensue.

Clearly I wasn’t thinking, or maybe I just didn’t care. I said it anyway.

We were in class doing some kind of maths, the question warranted the answer of ‘three times’, so I raised my hand. Thrice was obviously a newly acquired word within my vocabulary, and I was just itching to use it. It sounded posh, and I wanted an opportunity to say it in a sentence.

The teacher picked me, and I didn’t overthink it. I answered as I’d planned to. “THRICE”, I said. There was laughter, and not just from the students. Yes, it’s a real word, and yes, it does make sense in this context, but no one has said it seriously in probably the last century. It’s like you want to be socially inept.

I payed for that word, in teasing and in judgement. I regretted using it, but still, sometimes when something has happened three times, ‘thrice’ still comes back to haunt me, and to remind me of what we could have had together. Now I’ll hit enter
Once.
Twice.
And Thrice.
And I’ll leave you there.

Keep Smiling!

~Shade x

Siri ~ Wicked Wednesday ~

It’s Wicked Wednesday again!

I’m pretty sure Siri has a personal vendetta against me.

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Voice activation isn’t a tool I find myself regularly using, but there are times that call for a little help from your hand-held personal assistant. For me, most of these occasions are direction related. In other words, I get lost, I hope that Siri will come to my aid and help me unlose myself.

Siri does not respond how I want her to. She is deliberately unhelpful. She’s actually problematic.

On my phone, Siri calls people. Randomly, and with no warning. People who I’ve not spoken to in years, who have perhaps forgotten I exist, and who certainly do not wish to receive a call from me, people I don’t want to speak to either.

Naturally, whenever this happens, panic ensues. There’s usually some not so wonderful language, and some frenzied movement while I frantically try to hang up before the call can go through.

And now I’ve decided enough is enough. Siri, we’re breaking up. It’s not me, it’s you. You don’t understand me, and I’m moving on. Go talk to the others, like you’ve been trying so hard to make me do all this time.

Keep Smiling!

~Shade x